Polite defense of one's interests. How to develop assertiveness?

26 Mar Polite defense of one's interests. How to develop assertiveness?

How often do you find yourself in the situation, when you don't like something, you feel dissatisfied, but you prefer to remain silent and agree? Or in a situation, when you don't like something, and you explode either immediately, or after being silent for a long time and accumulating resentment? If you recognize yourself in these situations, you should familiarize yourself with the concept of assertiveness.

* Assertiveness is a behavior, which combines inner strength and benevolence towards the environment, it is characterized by defending one's interests and rights with respect for the rights and interests of others.

Unlike aggressive behavior, in which a person puts his needs above the needs of others and provokes conflicts, and from passive behavior, in which a person puts the needs of others before his own, allowing others to infringe on their own rights, assertiveness involves partnership, communication on an equal footing and maintaining relations even in the most difficult situations.

Which includes assertiveness?

-the ability to openly express one's desires and needs;

-ability to say no;

-the ability to openly talk about your positive and negative feelings;

-the ability to establish contacts, and also start, maintain and end the conversation;

-the ability to praise and give compliments;

-the ability to accept compliments and criticism

What assertive behavior gives us?

• The more a person stands up for himself and acts in a manner, which she considers correct, the higher her self-esteem.
• A person's chances of getting what he wants from life are increasing, if others understand, what does she want, and see, that she protects her rights and needs.
• If a person directly expresses feelings of dissatisfaction, then negative emotions do not accumulate. When she does not feel painful shyness and anxiety, does not waste energy on self-defense, it feels calm and free.
  

Here are some ways to start assertive communication:

1. Define, what you want/what you need/how you feel. Realize, that you have a right to these desires, need, feeling.
2. Speak calmly, not defensive. Pay attention to the tone and volume of the voice.
3. Use "I-statements" ( "I…", "I love/want...", "I don't want…") - take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and needs.
4. Listen carefully to the interlocutor, answer him only after considering his point of view. Keep in mind, that there are many different opinions.
5. Pay attention to your non-verbal behavior. Maintain eye contact with the interlocutor, but not too alert.
6. Maintain an open posture: turn your body and face towards the interlocutor, do not cross your arms and legs. Give the interlocutor some space, but don't back down.
7. Expressing a need, be clear and specific in wording. Example: INSTEAD: "You never clean our apartment", TRY IT: "I would be grateful, if we both tried to keep our apartment clean".
8. which usually makes you happy or happy, that you have the right to say "NO". Setting limits on the use of your time, participation or energy are important skills, which must be had or acquired.
   

Assertiveness strategies:

– Broken record. Be persistent, repeat over and over, what do you want, without getting angry or raising your voice. Stick to your point of view.

– Useful Information. Learn to listen to the interlocutor and read information, which he gives you. It will allow you to make arguments, relying on phrases voiced by the interlocutor.

– Disclosure of information. Assertively disclose information about yourself: that your brain doesn't shut down, what do you think, feel and how you treat information, which comes from the interlocutor.

– Eclipse. This technique will help you deal with criticism about you. Do not deny criticism and do not counterattack.

– Agree with the truth. Find that in criticism, which is true, and agree with exactly this part of what was said.

– Agree with that, that there was a misunderstanding.

– Agree completely. and that's fine: "It makes sense".

– Challenge wrong conclusions. Respond assertively to inaccuracies and logical errors.

– Find a compromise.

For a person, who wants to live life to the fullest, evolve, to be free, self-sufficient, self-confident , assertiveness is an absolute necessity.

We wish you success and the acquisition of new useful skills!